You are not my friend that I've known before!

I had this guy friend in my high school years who is very "kalog", funny. talkative, tack less and very kind. I always treated him as my "kuya". When I enter our room (I'm a sophomore at that time) he's the only one who approached me of all the students who are talking there. The approach was good that it made me feel comfortable around. He was asking like, "You're so familiar, have met before?". Gee, it's a small world after all we were classmate since elementary and I don't remember him at all. So, he introduced me to his friends. His friends became my friends already. We ate lunch together, we laugh, we shared life experiences. When I reached my junior years, we were doing all the crazy stuff in this world. So many intrigues, issues...but then the friendship never broke. There was a time that we have an open forum, we share all the "hinanakit" that we felt to our friends. It actually lead to the discussions of our future (careers). The guy and I planned to take the same course because we have the same interest. After saying all the careers that we want one of my friend said, "thetz, basin mag usab naka ha nya dili naka managa namo kung ma reporter naka!" I've been keeping that words to my mind. And I'm afraid that one day as I journey my life, I may change. "United we stand, Divided we fall." that's our motto in my senior years. We are really divided into groups with different personalities, attitude and views in life. My friends and I made a promise to each other that if we reached in college, we still communicate. Yeah! communicate is important!

"Thetz asa naman ka?" My guy friend texted me many times. It was the first day of school (college years). And yes. we pursue the plan that we made before. We were taking the same course and guess what? were not classmate! That was the most embarrassing moment in my first day of school. Walking alone in the lobby, sitting with unknown people in the bench and strangers everywhere.....oh God help me! Day by day. I'm already used to it. The "koleheyala girl" as what they called it. Years have passed, there is something that is different about him. At first, I thought it was just normal, but then again it's not.

He was minding his life and I also did. He has his friends and I have mine too. I really don't know if his aware or what. As what I have observed, he's adopting or shall we say influenced from his new peers. And I just can't talk to him like, "Hey! is that you?" because things were really different before. There was a time that I get jealous about him because of his friends. And the moment we see each other, I just stared at him. His friends were fashionista so as he. And I will not change my personality just to fit in their criteria. That's not me! If were friends, you've got to accept me for who I am not of what I have. I really don't know if he's changing or what maybe I change or the both of us? I know him better than he know and he also know me better than I know. I was hesitant to approach him because I know in the end I will loose. He has a different perception in his life right now and i can't rebut on that because it may lead to a misunderstanding. He already hurt me twice but he's not aware about it. Every time I speak, he will judge me! He's very competitive in terms of his studying, even though he will say he's not, but it shows. Whenever I'm in school, I just remained quiet. I only talk if he ask questions. There's already a gap between the both of us. He said he is willing to give up all the thing he possess. And the next day, he told me he want to buy this one and that one. Do you really mean what are you saying? I'm not the antagonist here, i wonder why he's acting like this. He's really not my friend that I've known before.

I admit I changed but my attitude is there very intact! I've been through the levels of maturity and it's not easy. I'm glad that my circles of friends are there and very understandable. I'm happy that somehow I was changed (the good ones) for the good of others and at the same time for myself. I value life and I don't argue about it. I'm still who I am.

How about him? I guess he also has changes in life. Yeah he did, I noticed it. I hope he will understand me the moment he will read this. I write because I observed there's something wrong. And don't think that I hate you or I feel hatred about you. I'm just concern as a friend. I don't question how you handle your life. You just have to think a million times before you talk. because you might know that there's someone out there who get hurt by your words and actions. And oh, by the way, who am I to judge your life? I'm only your friend anyways!